30 Books in 30 Days: Day 01 (in which I vehemently bash Acorna’s bloated corpse)

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In the interest of whipping myself to blog more, I have stolen this meme from my friend Boudicca. I’ll try and do this within a month; of course I’ve chosen the worst month possible. But whatever; it should be fun.

Oh, and these posts are going to count for my GYWO, as they are not normal blog posts but an ongoing journaling project. (I’m not cheating; I’m being creative with the rules.)

Day 01 – A book series you wish had gone on longer OR a book series you wish would just freaking end already (or both!)

This is easy. The Acorna series by Anne McCaffrey. The unicorn girl needs to die.

Acorna the Unicorn Girl was great. It was fun, and well written, with lovable characters. She’s a fucking unicorn girl! Awesome! She’s got a horn and shit! Super-awesome!

The first book made me want to read the second, and the third, which were also good. After we found Acorna’s peeps and it becomes apparent that she’s not just a freakish mutant, I think, “Yeah, okay, we’re good now.”

BUT WAIT. THERE’S MORE.

After she meets her people, there’s a new novel: Acorna’s World. I honestly don’t remember fuck all from it because I was already so done with the damn thing.

You know, it would be easier to follow Acorna around on her many adventures if she wasn’t…the same throughout the books. She doesn’t grow as a character. ACORNA NOBLE. ACORNA STRONG. ACORNA CHOSEN ONE OF UNICORN PEOPLE. ACORNA KNOWN AS SWEET-TITS IN LIAAAAARRRYYYRYRYYYRYYRIIIRIRIRIIRI LANGUAGE.

It would also be more believable if there wasn’t one totally “good” species vs. one totally “bad” species. McCaffrey does this…a lot, actually, and it’s fucking annoying. Stay away from aliens, McCaffrey. Stick to humans; you’re better at that.

But I digress. Acorna’s World! Oh my god unicorns! And stuff! Fuck if I know!

On to the next book!

At some point during this one Aari goes missing, I think. Through time travel and shit. Time travel through the water of a planet — I do not know how that works, or what Anne was smoking when she wrote the goddamn book.

Who’s Aari? Good question. He’s some tortured Linynyiaiiairiirirhoweverthefuckyouspellit UNICORN MAN who is Acorna’s lifemate. Yes, the Unicorn Folk mate for life. This is stupid. Anyway.

Aari got the shit beat out of him by the EVIL KHLEEVI (she came up with these names while playing Boggle, I swear) and is all Nam-veteran PTSD-y. (Not to make light of the plight of Nam-vets at all, but Aari makes me think of this guy.)

The book in which Aari gets himself lost is called Acorna’s Search.

How original. She’s searching for Aari. We shall name the book after this pertinent fact.

Actually it’s a complete misnomer, because she doesn’t really begin her search in earnest until the end of the book.

I did not read Acorna’s Rebels, because at that point I’d started to vehemently wish horrible things upon the unicorn bitch and frankly did not give a frack whether she found Aari or he died in the past and she lived alone for the rest of her life (which I also hoped was very short). It’s a complicated emotion.

According to Wiki Acorna does not find Aari in this book — she fucks off to Makahomia, where her friend RK the cat is a temple cat, and OH NOES THE KITTEHS ARE SICK WILL YOU HELPS THEM ACORNA?

And she does. Of course. Because she never, ever looks at all the shit she has to do and says “I’m tired. Everyone can die for all I care.” Because she’s fucking SUPER UNICORN. Her brother was Sparkle Lord.

And apparently while saving teh kittehs from teh sickness she finds some clues to help find her lifemate.

That can’t happen in this book, though. No. We need a new one! It’s called….

Acorna’s Triumph!

Guess what.

She triumphs.

by which I mean she finds Aari and bones him senseless, because then after this book (which, so far, is the last of the Acorna series I HOPE PLEASE GODS LET IT END) there are three books about her children.

I hope the Khleevi eat them.

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5 thoughts on “30 Books in 30 Days: Day 01 (in which I vehemently bash Acorna’s bloated corpse)

  1. Abbysynthe

    I love the way you think! I like Anne’s books but geez, how many times does the same book have to be written? i.e. her Pern series.

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    • Katje

      Thanks!

      Yeah, McCaffrey bugs me in that…there’s a lot of her stuff that’s good. Like the Crystal Singer series or the Planet Pirates or the Talent series. And then there’s Acorna. Or Pern. And you wonder “WHAT HAPPENED?”

      My favorite book [of hers] for a long time was Freedom’s Landing. I still really like it, and the two sequels, even if it does fall into the “Eosi = TEH EBIL but Catteni and Terran and EVERYONE ELSE = TEH GUDZ” ploy she likes so much. The fourth book should never have been written. It was just AWFUL.

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  2. I think I actually read up to Triumph, then stopped. At the end I am so fucking confused as to what’s going on. Like her children are not his children, or something? Omg.

    This post needs the Kitty Pope to bless this post.

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    • Katje

      Kitteh Pope! Can has dead unicorns!

      Yeah, I think I read the little preview of Rebels at the end of the book before Rebels, and was just like…fuck it. Done. When we go to Chapters people have to hold me back from lighting her books on FIRE. CLEANSING, PURE, BEAUTIFUL FIRE.

      Ahem. Anyway.

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