Welcome to another SFFSat snippet! We continue on from the last two weeks’ snippets (here and here, in chronological order) from The Jade Star of Athering.
The leader sized her up, recognized her as another leader, and made a small bow indicating wary respect. Agate affected a look of confusion and did a clumsy imitation of the bow, though she could have done it perfectly in her sleep.
“We are on a diplomatic mission from the Queen of Athering. She wishes to discuss a truce.” Agate spoke slowly and deliberately, enunciating the Atheē words perfectly. She wanted no misunderstandings if she could help it.
The man who had bowed earlier frowned, as if digesting her words, then nodded. “Rain-Looking want to see you. Come now; only two.” He pointed to Agate and Damien, reinforcing his statement.
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Amoeba Kat Musings 
You’ve done a wonderful job creating the sense of wariness in every subtle action. Well done! Excellent emotion in very few sentences.
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Thank you JC! I’m glad to hear this, because subtlety is not my strong point…nor the strong point of most of my characters. *sheepish look*
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Nice detail with “Agate affected a look of confusion and did a clumsy imitation of the bow, though she could have done it perfectly in her sleep.”
Shows her anxiety well!
Enjoyed catching up on the other two snippets.
😉 Heidi
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Thanks Heidi!
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Definitely feel the emotions in this scene. Great work!
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Thanks!
Agate’s an interesting character to write. She tries to keep everything tightly held back, even from herself, but she continues to unravel. It’s an interesting balance to walk, writing that.
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It’s like walking on eggshells here! Ooo, exciting!!
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Eggshells made of glass. Haha. 😉
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I like the subtle use of the dialogue in this snippet to show differences between the two cultures. Not sure if you meant it that way or not, but that’s what I took from it. Looks good!
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Well hey, if it works that way, that’s good too! I didn’t intend it specifically for this scene, but I do try to convey that in later scenes, so I’m glad it shows up early. 🙂
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The edginess in the scene is really effective – the tension is palpable. I’m intrigued to see where this is going.
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Thanks, Peter! You’ll have to stick around for future snippets, then, eh? 😉
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Very nice snippet! I liked that she chose to be clumsy with the bow… indicates that she wants to put the other leader at ease by seeming less powerful. Good characterization through action!
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*indicates that she wants to put the other leader at ease by seeming less powerful.*
See, this is why I love posting snippets — y’all always have insights into my stories that I don’t even realize. I didn’t even think of this, but you’re totally right. Agate would want to do that.
I’m glad you enjoyed the snippet!
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There’s such a carefulness to each action that it creates an amazing tension and anticipation for what’s next. Great work.
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Thank you. I’m so glad the tension comes through — it’s tough to write!
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Nice sense of their tension. Do the gypsies speak a third language?
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Thanks!
The gypsies/Ixile’a speak Ixil predominantly, and some of them speak some Atheē. Agate speaks both languages fluently.
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Tiptoeing diplomats are not quite as exciting as knife wielding assassins or alien bar fights, but you do a great job setting the scene.
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Thank you! It is hard to make diplomacy exciting, it’s true. 🙂
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Oh, truce discussions never end well. Great snippet!
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Oh man, that is so true. Haha. Glad you liked it!
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Ooh I don’t fancy their chances! Great snippet 🙂
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Wait till you see what happens…. *evil grin*
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Ooh. I’m assuming she’s trying to appear less adept than she is. Good job. Intrigued to find out what happens.
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Bingo! Her fellow Atherians don’t know that she’s fluent in not only the spoken Ixil language, but all the gestures that go along with it…and she doesn’t want them to know.
Glad you enjoyed it!
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Ah, politics. Love the eggshell treading going on here.
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Thanks! Agate isn’t too pleased with it. 😉
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