Deadlines and me

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I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

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I had several deadlines this month, and I think I missed half of them. I’m not entirely sure, as I never wrote them down in my own calendar, but I did announce them to other people. That was probably silly.

Anyway, if you’re one of the people who got an announcement from me about certain release dates of certain ebooks (mine and Kaimana Wolff’s) for certain formats/sites…I’m still formatting. Probably won’t be done till the end of the month.

I used to be good at deadlines. Good under pressure; I could churn out awesome essays a day before they were due. Once I hit college, though, overwhelm began to catch up with me. Also heart problems. (While I attended MCC, I had no fewer than 5 incidents that felt like textbook heart attacks; however, the doctors said I was full of it and probably lying, though they did end up doing a test which — they said — showed I had not ever had any heart attacks. Which I think may be BS, but I’m not a doctor so, you know. Anyway each time it happened I was pretty sure I was dying. Said incidents haven’t happened in several years now; thank gods for small miracles?) My brain began dropping pertinent info. I’m sure the multiple concussions haven’t helped that.

Deadlines are now those things that I try very hard to ignore because they induce a massive amount of stress in me. Every once in a while I’ll think Oh, what I need is a good deadline, make me work harder/faster/better/stronger! and then I just listen to Daft Punk on repeat and get nothing done until the deadline has passed. Then I feel guilty for not getting the thing done before deadline, and avoid it some more, until finally in a desperate push I get it all done in three days on a high of coffee, chocolate, and tears before dropping half dead into a week-long coma.

I guess what I’m really trying to say here is if I ever tell you I’ve given myself a deadline, don’t expect anything from me by that day because it’s highly unlikely I’ll get anything done before the deadline. This applies to work stuff and personal stuff. Ogre knows very well by now that if I say I’ll be at his place by 8, I really mean 10 or perhaps 11.

This may also apply to release dates of future books, though I do try to get those out as on time as I can. Just, you know, for the record. If I ever release a book late and try to blame it on Amazon taking 12 hours to upload to the store, or whatever, just know that’s a load of bollocks and me trying to hide my shame and guilt behind a giant corporation (because, you know, the 12 hour delay is well known — so it’s just a case of me forgetting to upload until release day, or maybe not even having it completely ready). I am terrible with deadlines.

(This is also why Bellica chapters do not always get uploaded to Wattpad on time. On the site, I can schedule posts, but on Wattpad I actually need to be near a computer to do it — the mobile app strips out italics, as does the mobile version of the site, so doing it via iPad or phone doesn’t work — so often my ‘MWF mornings’ posts will be more like ‘TWSS or whenever, sheesh, and never in the morning, or maybe at 3am, I don’t know, I’m not even sure where I am right now’ posts.)

Though, to be perfectly honest, I might have made these particular deadlines had my laptop not died on me last month. I can’t do the work for them on the iPad (which miraculously fixed itself, go fig), so weekends are no longer a viable work time for me.

…nope, just making excuses.

I’m simply terrible at deadlines.

And, you know, now that I’ve admitted it publicly I feel a lot better.

-Kat, who was supposed to finish this post and go to bed over an hour ago

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